INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Indianapolis Colts right tackle Braden Smith says he missed the final five games last season because of an obsessive-compulsive disorder that was so severe he spent 48 days in a treatment facility and even contemplated suicide.
The Indianapolis Star published a story Tuesday in which Smith spoke publicly for the first time about why he was out. Team officials had previously said Smith was out because of a personal matter but provided no additional details.
“I was physically present, but I was nowhere to be found,” the 29-year-old Smith said in the interview. “I did not care about playing football. I didn’t care about hanging out with my family, with my wife, with my newborn son. I was a month away from putting a bullet through my brain.”
Smith said he was diagnosed with religious scrupulosity, which creates anxiety over engaging in actions that could offend God or may be viewed as blasphemous. Those afflicted may pray or act to seek repentance so frequently it dominates their life.
Smith said he started seeing a psychologist early last season and at one point told his wife, Courtney, he would retire at the end of 2024 if his condition did not improve.
In November, he entered a Colorado rehab center and when his condition didn't improve, Smith turned to a psychedelic drug, ibogaine, which is not legal in the U.S. Smith credited the drug with saving him. The treatment was administered in Mexico.
Following the treatment and with continued therapy, Smith said he is better and no longer engages in compulsive prayer. He will return to the Colts this season with a restructured contract because he wants to return to the field.
“I wasn’t here last year,” he told The Star. “I was physically here, but I wasn’t. I want to be me again here, and I want the people around me to experience that, because I do feel like I do have something to offer the people around me."
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The Associated Press
